The pastoral needs of a same sex attracted (SSA) person are similar to those of anyone else in the congregation. Nevertheless, it's common for pastors, leaders, and parishioners to consider that SSA people constitute a uniquely menacing demographic—worse than gossips, anger-mongers, obsessive selfie-snappers, and wealth-hoarders. Those who feel this way should ask each other (and themselves) five questions before attempting to engage meaningfully with the SSA people in their congregation:
1. Does accepting an SSA person into your congregation enable that person's sin?
Church leaders usually appreciate the difference between accepting and enabling and are attentive to the plight of members with "chronic" problems, such as alcohol or substance abuse, mistreatment of the body, dispositional issues, or unresolved family or marriage problems. This same compassionate ethic should be extended to SSA members as well—and regardless of whether they have repented of same-sex eroticism. Extending this hand of compassion to SSA people fulfills Paul's instruction to the church in Rome to "accept one another" without favoritism:
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God (Romans 15: 5-7).
Accepting a person does not mean affirming their sin or lifestyle choices. Nor does it necessarily enable or embolden their sin. If done carefully and well, however, it can bring glory to God. By accepting the sinner in spite of their sin, you create a space in which they might become fruitful in the Holy Spirit and, in the fulness of time, provide a testimony of saving faith that led to true repentance. Remember Paul's commentary:
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up (Romans 15: 1–2).
2. Will an SSA person threaten the congregation's spiritual health? How about two SSA people? How about three?
It's entirely possible that having an SSA man or woman in the congregation will "set a bad example" for the others, and cause others to stumble in their walk. What about an SSA person who practices celibacy? Are they a threat to the congregation's spiritual well-being also? Where does the responsibility for the spiritual health of the congregation ultimately lie? If a congregation's spiritual health is threatened by the presence of one SSA person (or two, or three), then is the congregation as spiritually healthy as it needs to be? The responsibility falls to church leaders to ensure that all members are shored up in their faith against any uncleanliness that might arise inside the church, including greed; divisiveness; gossip; sexual impropriety including lust, fornication, and adultery; envy; malice; and all the other sins that are as harmful as same-sex eroticism.
3. Could the congregation accept a same-sex couple's acts of commitment and self-sacrifice as signs of the Holy Sprit at work in them?
A same-sex couple walks into your church. They praise God with hands held high and talk about their love for Jesus. In the couple, you witness fruits of the Spirit found in healthy opposite-sex marriages, things like commitment, long-suffering, and self-sacrifice. How would truth and compassion come together to minister to this couple? The first thing to consider is that even though God does not see them as "one flesh" in the way that he sees a man and a woman, He is still at work in them individually. Setting aside the facts of sinful relationship, are you prepared to see the Spirit growing them and making them more Christlike as individuals? Ironically, the Spirit can use all the virtues present in a same-sex relationship to draw both individuals closer to God and therefore closer to repentance, either separately or together.
4. Is the congregation ready to project a Christ so truthful and gracious that it will lead SSA individuals to repentance?
According to a survey reported in the 2012 book unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity... and Why It Matters, 85% of non-Christians believe that Christians are hypocritical.(1) A more recent academic study found that perceptions of "moral hypocrisy" within the church were highest of "devout" and "evangelical" Christian groups.(2) As of 2022, only 17% of non-religious Americans think that the Christians they know represent the values and teachings of Jesus "a lot" or even just "a little."(3) These figures are troubling. What can your church do so that insiders and outsiders (including SSA insiders and outsiders) are so floored by the gospel of Christ that it outshines everything else? Author Ben Chang proposes that the Church might start by telling "better stories" about itself.(4) This means more than just being good at testifying—it means having better testimonies to start with! To have better testimonies, the Church may need to live more awe-inspiring lives. Healing and restoration will need to become the norm, not the exception. Members will need to perceive themselves as victors in Christ (1 Corinthians 15: 57; 1 John 5: 4–5; Revelation 3: 21), not as hapless sinners who don't know better than to wallow through their sinful lives. French philosopher Blaise Pascal is famous for his thoughts on preaching the gospel effectively, with one in particular ringing true for this discussion:
“Make religion attractive, make good men wish it were true, and then show that it is. Worthy of reverence because it really understands human nature. Attractive because it promises true good.”
How can the gospel be presented to SSA believers (and non-believers) as more than just a negation of their sexual inclination? What if the gospel could be offered as the ultimate security against the things that SSA people fear most? What if the typical Christian experience were consistently that of supernatural protection and deliverance, as offered in, say, Psalm 91?
If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent (Psalm 91: 9–13).
The image of God as protector is a powerful one for SSA people, since it offers them something far more enduring and relational than the comfort of a same-sex partner.
5. Is the congregation ready to deidolize marriage and destigmatize singleness once and for all?
Scripture does not idolize marriage. If anything, Scripture is reserved on the subject of marriage, holding it in high honor without touting it as the summum bonum for human existence. It walks this fine line with good reason. Though generally positive from a social and moral perspective, from a Kingdom standpoint the benefits of marriage are minimal. This is because marriage has a tendency to become a massive distraction from God. Paul comments on this at length:
An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7: 32–35).
Paul's lesson is that marriage is good, but singleness is "better" (v. 38). How might your church go about restoring singleness as something honorable and good—much more than a miserable layover between puberty and marriage? How can chastity in singleness be upheld and supported?
Few of these five questions relate to SSA directly. There should be no surprise there—SSA relates to a bigger picture. Whatever the case, there are no answers of the "one size fits all" variety. Every SSA person must be received at face value if the true gospel, the one that corrects and enlightens and saves, is to be made clear to them.
—by Rick E.
Rick is the director of Free in Christ Ministries.
References:
(1) Kinnaman, David, et al. 2012. unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks about Christianity…and Why It Matters. Baker Books.
(2) Matthews, Mark & Philip J. Mazzocco. 2016. Perceptions of religious hypocrisy: When moral claims exceed moral action. Review of Religious Research 59(4): 1–10.
(3) Episcopal Church. 2022. Jesus in America Study.
(4) Chang, Ben. 2023. Christ and the Culture Wars. Christian Focus.
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